Before my 13.1

Before the 1/2: Friday, 10-28-11
Two days before my first half.  I'm not a competitive person but I don't like to finish last.  I want to have fun with this race but I'm willing to surprise others as well as myself.  I'm anticipating a finish of 3:30 but will accept whatever comes.  There will be no quitting or failing for me in two days.  I will run for my life.  I found myself when I started running.  it got me back in shape and helped me find a new level of mental capacity that I didn't know was possible.  I don't know if it's the challenge that has opened my mind or the intimacy that was born with myself.  Being in constant communication with myself during my long runs has led me to this race in this particular place.  Why the Rock n Roll Los Angeles 1/2 marathon? L.A. is where I once ran from.  I ran when a huge opportunity was before me.  I ran because I was scared to take a chance and perhaps fail.  As I see it now, I ran, because I did not know then how I know myself now.  I'm stronger, accomplished, not scared.  I left CA four years ago and never came back.  As time passed I started to feel and remember how beautiful my time was in CA and how much I loved and missed it.  In four years I learned that yes, it's true, when you have something amazing in front of you, there is a possibility to be blind to it.  You then find yourself holding on to memories as they become more distant and you desperately try to hold on to them.  I had a lot of questions when I moved back to FL and still do.  Why did I do this?  What was I thinking? Were we better off in CA? Running has helped me find some of those answers.  Within me I found answers I never thought I had.  Not a shrink, friend, or family member could tell me the answers I wanted.  I had to sweat it out day after day on the pavement.  Sometimes I would talk to God, especially when my miles climbed over six.  This is the first major thing I've done on my own.  I bought my 1/2 marathon training book and went out there on my own.  I had tremendous support from friends, family and co-workers.  My eyes fill with tears as the plane lands.  Emotion swells deep within me.  My sister.  Rock n Roll.  Los Angeles.  13 miles.  Ready or not, here I come.